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One Heck of a Year
It’s been a year or so since I last written anything on this blog. Mainly because it’s been a roller coaster of a year. Honestly, it felt like life is the table and I am Officer Hops waiting on a sloth.
So here is what life is for my family and me.
I have 2 kids. Both have varying degrees of autism.
My son is 9 years old, laughs loudly, and for the most part is non-verbal. He has mood disorders, a sleep disorder, OCD, ADHD, Anxiety, and GI problems. Actually, he has H. Pylori, chronic constipation, and esophagitis. He also has sensory problems where he cannot stand clothing, being in a bathtub, in crowds, and sitting on a toilet.
The GI problems came crashing into our lives last July. He has been gaining weight, even though his appetite has decreased.
After seeing more than 1 doctor, the consensus is that he cannot take the medication to get rid of the H. Pylori, because of the sensory problems. He cannot handle certain textures in his mouth (or tastes).
This comes back to the diet where everyone says if you would take away the 10 foods he will eat, then he will get hungry enough to eat what is put in front of him.
Really? You don’t think I haven’t tried that????
Of course I have, you judgmental moron!!!! I have tried every way humanly possible (with the doctor’s help) to try to change his diet and to try and get the medications into my son so that he will feel better. It’s like that time I tried to sneak a stool softener into a Swiss Cake Roll. My son cocked an eyebrow, grinned like the Grinch getting all the presents in Whoville, and threw it across the room. That was my son’s way of saying:
He is still in a lot of pain, but we are managing it with the help of his gastro doctor, his pediatrician, his speech therapist, his occupational therapist, and his behavioralist. Plus my parents.
My daughter, Lady, is finishing up the second grade in public school. Due to her autism, she had a teacher’s aide who helped Lady with academics and socializing (as a symptom of her autism is social-awkwardness). She had this TA up until a year ago, when Lady (who was 6 years old at the time) told her:
Having the TA was on her IEP, but the administration still removed the TA as Lady was showing “independence.” This was NEVER discussed with me until after the fact.
Anyway, her second grade year has been one drama-filled migraine of Lady’s grades going down and the rise of the era of THE BULLIES!!!
I have gone into the school to try and get some type of help for Lady (both academic and the bullying), and all I have gotten was excuse. . .
. . .After excuse. . .
. . .After excuse. . .
They even suggested that it was Lady who was the problem, so they wrote her social stories.
I have even attempted to contact the district’s administration, who never called or emailed back. EVER!!! Not even when another kid told Lady that he wants to kill her.
This Mama is done.
Now I’m getting ready for homeschool next year.
I am scouring YouTube, Pinterest, academic websites, asking friends for help, and relying on prayers.
When I get anxious and self-doubt creeps in, I push it out as self-doubt as it does no good. I tell myself I’m Wonder Woman as I have successfully taken care of 2 special needs kids without a husband (he left years ago and my parents have been helping us ever since). I have written novels, and have successfully gotten through my first year of graduate school for special education. I have even built a bookcase in was supposed to be my office, but is now our homeschool room.
Yes. I did that because I’m awesome!!! Thank you very much!!!
I am also going to be starting my second year of grad school in the fall, homeschooling Lady, and helping T-Boy through all of his crap (literal and metaphorical).
But I am WONDER WOMAN/WONDER MAMA!!!
Queries Are Like Bad Dates
My daughter said while getting ready for school this morning, “I think you need to get remarried.”
Me: (saying in passing as I butter my son’s toast) “That would require me to date.”
My daughter: “It must be really hard to find a someone to date.”
Me: “That, my dearest daughter, is an understatement.”
I have always been awkward around guys. Well, people in general, and I’m okay with it. I do my thing, I always try to be myself and to love who I am. Though, when I actually have a good conversation with a guy, I play in cool. But in my head, I’m jumping up and down, clapping, and saying: “Yippie!!!”
For me, choosing books to read, and writing queries are very simular to dating.
Not only does the blurb about the book (whether your own or not) has to be enticing. The personality of the main character has to shine through like a big neon sign to get someone interested in the story or you (if your dating).
It can get awkward when you read a book jacket for the book that everyone is raving about, but it’s just…meh. Of course, you buy it, because who doesn’t like a shiny new book?
The jacket blurb gives your promises and sometimes it’s more reliable than the jacket. Like a blind date.
Then there are those books that you know nothing about, but once you are the jacket, the desire stirs within you. Then there is that excited squeal that I found another book that makes me want to go home to my comfy chair and read to my hearts content.
Here are three books that pulled me in by the blurb on the jacket.
2. The DUFF, by Kody Keplinger
Seventeen-year-old Bianca Piper is cynical and loyal, and she doesn’t think she’s the prettiest of her friends by a long shot. She’s also way too smart to fall for the charms of man-slut and slimy school hottie Wesley Rush. In fact, Bianca hates him. And when he nicknames her “the Duff,” she throws her Coke in his face.
But things aren’t so great at home right now, and Bianca is desperate for a distraction. She ends up kissing Wesley. Worse, she likes it. Eager for escape, Bianca throws herself into a closeted enemies-with-benefits relationship with him.
Until it all goes horribly awry. It turns out Wesley isn’t such a bad listener, and his life is pretty screwed up, too. Suddenly Bianca realizes with absolute horror that she’s falling for the guy she thought she hated more than anyone.
3. The Raven Boys (The Raven Cyle #1) by Maggie Stiefvater
Every year, Blue Sargent stands next to her clairvoyant mother as the soon-to-be dead walk past. Blue never sees them–until this year, when a boy emerges from the dark and speaks to her.
His name is Gansey, a rich student at Aglionby, the local private school. Blue has a policy of staying away from Aglionby boys. Known as Raven Boys, they can only mean trouble.
But Blue is drawn to Gansey, in a way she can’t entirely explain. He is on a quest that has encompassed three other Raven Boys: Adam, the scholarship student who resents the privilege around him; Ronan, the fierce soul whose emotions range from anger to despair; and Noah, the taciturn watcher who notices many things but says very little.
For as long as she can remember, Blue has been warned that she will cause her true love to die. She doesn’t believe in true love, and never thought this would be a problem. But as her life becomes caught up in the strange and sinister world of the Raven Boys, she’s not so sure anymore.
Then there are WRITING QUERIES!
Querying is one of the hardest things to write. It’s like a bad first date where a person inevitably says too much. Instead of an enticing conversation, it can quickly become an awkward summery of useless facts and way too much oversharing. Don’t do that!!
Put your awkwardness away, because you have the fabulous novel that is aching to be published. But you need an agent.
They are the gatekeepers to the New York publishing world. Yes, there are publishers who will do accept submissions without an agent, but you still need to write the query. And it better be good!
Here are what some agents say about queries (from the blog, Writers In The Storm):
“Spelling errors or grammatical mistakes. They just make me want to stop reading.” – Lisa Leshne, LJK Literary Management
“Unfocused queries and the term ‘fiction novel.'” -Melissa Flashman, Trident Media Group, LLC
“I’m sick of vagueness. I get so many queries every day that don’t tell me enough about the novel. If there’s no reason for me to say yes, then it’s going to be no.” -Bridget Smith, Dunham Literary, Inc.
Go to the blog to read more. It’s a very good post.
Agents are fantastic about telling you what works and what doesn’t. Kinda like a dating coach.
A few consistent tips for query writing so you don’t be the awkward douche bag who everyone cringes at.
- Be polite and professional
- No typos. Read your query three times over, then have five honest friends look it over
- Follow the submission guidelines
- Do your research! (because asking an agent to represent your book that they do not represent will only lead to awkward embarrassment for you)
- No abstractions. Stick to the main conflict of the story. What are the stakes for the main character? Give enough reasons to care without oversharing.
Here are a few websites that I find to be helpful.
Like my sister told me when I was 16 (someone actually wrote a blog about Mr. Collin’s awkwardness), “Don’t be awkward like Mr. Collins,…”
“…but be awkward as Mr. Darcy.”
Follow the querying/literary social rules, and be a literary rockstar!
BAD MOVIES THAT ARE SO GOOD
Two of my sisters and I love to watch terrible movies. In fact, we have a competition about who can pick out the worst of the worst. Here are four movies that we love to watch over and over again.
1. JUST VISITING
Synopsis:
“Just Visiting” is an American retelling of the 1993 French comedy blockbuster “Les Visiteurs” in which stars Jean Reno and Christian Clavier reprise their popular roles for original director Jean-Marie Gaubert. In the film, A French nobleman, Count Thibault of Malfete (Jean Reno) and his servant André (Christian Clavier) find themselves in modern day Chicago — transported from the 12th century due to a wizard’s flawed time-travel potion.
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 33%
Thoughts:
Just Visiting is one of those movies that make you cringe, but you’re laughing so hard that it makes up for the bad script. Julia (Christina Applegate) is a pushover. Her boyfriend calls her bunny and is cheating on her. Count Thibault isn’t terribly clever and his manservant, Andre, is very stupid. Count Thibault accidentally kills his fiancé, Lady Rosalind, who looks exactly like Julia. Thibault needs a wizard. In comes Malcolm McDowell. He forgets a key ingredient in the postion that will send him back a few hours to stop the murder. Thibault and Andre are sent to modern day Chicago (Or the early 2000s). They meet Julia, and she takes them home (thinking he is a long lost relative). The boyfriend is a jerk, and it’s funny to watch Thibault and Andre navigate the modern world; including, killing a car, eating a “mint” from the toilet, and Andre eating at a table with is master instead of being thrown scraps. Julia learns to be more assertive and Thibault goes back to save his “one true love.” It’s fun to watch and worth the rental price.
Favorite Scene:
The restaurant scene where Andre mistakes a Clorox drop-in in the urinal for a dinner mint.
2. BATTLESHIP
Synopsis:
Lt. Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch) is a weapons officer aboard the destroyer USS John Paul Jones, while his older brother, Stone (Alexander Skarsgård), is the commanding officer of the USS Sampson. Unknown to Alex, Stone or the rest of the U.S. Navy, alien invaders have arrived on Earth with plans to steal Earth’s resources. When a confrontation with the invaders knocks out the Navy’s radar capability, American and Japanese forces must work together to find a way to save the planet.
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 34%
Thoughts:
I LOVE end of the world movies. They are awesome! I love Alexander Skarsgard. That’s why I went to see this. Totally worth it! It’s loud and completely implausible. We love it in my family. Hopper is an ass, but a hot one. Rhianna is good. I love how they use the grid system like the board game. I wish they had used the line: “You sunk my battleship!” It would have made the cheesiness more complete. I have referenced this movie in a novel that I wrote last year.
Favorite Scene:
The chicken burrito scene where Hopper tries to get Sam’s attention. He offers her a chicken burrito for five minutes, which at the end he gets tasered.
3. A CINDERELLA STORY
Synopsis:
Sam (Hilary Duff), a teenager in California, is obliged to work as a janitor and dishwasher in the diner of her stepmother (Jennifer Coolidge). After a cell phone mix-up, Sam begins an anonymous text-messaging and e-mail relationship with a boy. They agree to meet at a school dance, but when Sam finds out that her secret pen pal is none other than Austin Ames (Chad Michael Murray), the cutest boy in school, she panics and looks for a way to make herself cooler.
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 11%
Thoughts:
Two words: Jennifer Coolidge. She is very funny. I love her in Austenland and Legally Blonde. While they are good, my sisters and I picked A Cinderella Story because of the word “moist.” When this movie came out, we were watching Dead Like Me (seriously go watch this show). In the TV show, Georgia Lass’s mother thinks the word moist is pornographic. Then we went to see A Cinderella Story. The cookie scene made us laughed so much that the other people in the theater told us to shut up. It’s a good teen movie/chick flick.
Favorite Scene:
The cookie scene where the stepmother says the word moist. Did I mention how much I love Jennifer Coolidge?
4. BRIDE AND PREJUDICE
Synopsis:
With four beautiful daughters of marrying age, Manorama (Nadira Babbar) and Chaman Bakshi (Anupam Kher) frantically seek out the perfect husbands for their children. Yet their eldest daughter, Lalita (Aishwarya Rai), is intent upon marrying at her own choosing, for love. Lalita endures a number of hopeful suitors, but the American William Darcy (Martin Henderson) seems different — and not always in a good way. Misunderstandings, schemes and lies threaten to keep the two from true love.
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: N/A
Thoughts:
Bollywood isn’t for everyone, but this little gem is funny. I love the random songs, and Pride and Prejudice is one of my favorite stories. The acting isn’t bad and I think mostly it is liked. My friend came to see it with us. Her and I were the only ones who liked it from our group. We still sing a couple of the songs.
Favorite Scene:
The scene is a musical number called “No Life Without Life.” We sing this a lot.
HONORABLE MENTION: CURSED
Synopsis:
In Los Angeles, siblings Ellie (Christina Ricci) and Jimmy (Jesse Eisenberg) come across an accident on Mulholland Drive. As they try to help the woman caught in the wreckage, a ferocious creature attacks them, devouring the woman and scratching the terrified siblings. They slowly discover that the creature was a werewolf and that they have fallen victim to a deadly curse. Now that they have been sliced by the werewolf’s claws, they will be transformed into werewolves themselves.
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 16%
Thoughts:
I’m not going to talk a lot about this movie, simply because we don’t like it save for one scene where a werewolf flips everyone off. We still talk about this scene. Enjoy.
To the Movie Critics: Why All The Hate?
Why all the hate, movie critics? Seriously, I know it’s your job to torpedo a movie through well placed words, even if it’s not a movie you would go see if it hadn’t been assigned to you. For example, the 5th Wave.
Yesterday, my sister and I went to see the 5Th Wave. I don’t think I have to go into the synopsis, as it is based upon a young adult novel by Rick Yancey. It worth the read, but when I went onto rottentomatoes.com, I was pretty bummed that only 17% of critics liked it.
Really? 17% liked it? What about Twilight?
Twilight at 48% of rotten! Like I said, where is the love?
Here are a sample of what was said by critics about the 5th Wave movie:
Can I just say that the N.R.A. (FYI: I hate the N.R.A.) has NOTHING to do in the 5th Wave, and if aliens did attack, I’m sure you would love to get your hands on one of them! I know I would.
Nope. Alex Roe was good too.
Right……….
You people who love YA, sci/fi, dystopia sound like mindless drones with a for sale sign on our faces. Like we don’t know what a good movie is. By the way, we can think for ourselves.
Oh for the love that is holy!
Stop comparing every book and every movie that is in the young adult genre to Twilight!
Not cool, because each stories are different. Yes, some stories uses old tropes and cliches, but they are not Twilight!
While some were mean, indifferent, or who was only at the movie so they could get a paycheck, some reviewers had nice things to say:
Right. Well, my sister and I really liked it. We would give it 3 out of 4 stars. Someone parts were really funny, and I’m unsure whether they were meant to be funny or not. The acting is good.
We laughed about the army being trustworthy, because my sister is a vet and she yelled out: “Bull shit.” I knew, because I read the book. Still it was a funny moment that the others in the theater didn’t appreciate.
My point: Go see the movie and find out if you like it or not. Like books, movies are all subjective. I may love something that you don’t. That is okay! Don’t go by people who are paid to be cranky and find the worst in everything except artsy films like The Artist.
Music to Write By and Querying
I have recently finished and queried a young adult horror novel. I’m sitting here, like,
I have agents reading my work, and it’s worse than a freaking blind date! I want to tell you all about my novel. I want to be like i’m here world! Read this! In reality, I’m trying to act like I’ve got this.
And whenever someone asks me about my novel, I’m like, “Yeah dude. I got this.”
In reality, I’m back in my shell, trying to think about my novel in the hands of wicked awesome agents who could say no.
A friend of mine (who writes New Adult and you should totally buy her freaking awesome books, because I’m not a fan of New Adult, but I love her work) gave me the best advice. Start a new project!
I have so many ideas, that I’m like, oookkayyy…
So where do I start? A playlist, which inevitably gets modified as I go along. Here is the playlist for novel that I’m querying.
- MERCY, Duffy
- I PUT A SPELL ON YOU, Jeff Beck (featuring Joss Stone)
- FEELS LIKE RAIN, John Hiatt
- IN THE STILL OF THE NIGHT, The Five Satins
- ALL I WANT, Kodaline
- STAY WITH ME, Sam Smith
- YELLOW, Coldplay
- CREEP, Stone Temple Pilots
- DEMONS, Imagine Dragons
- HURT, Johnny Cash
- PEOPLE ARE STRANGE, The Doors
- RUNAWAY TRAIN, Soul Asylum
- COMING FOR YOU, The Offspring
- EVIL WAYS, Blues Saraceno
- QUIET LITTLE VOICES, We Were Promised Jetpacks
- SUITE FOR SOLO CELLO NO. 1 (PRELUDE), Yo-Yo Ma
- LIGHTNING CRASHES, Live
- PUSH THE BUTTON, Amy Lee
- SEVEN DEVILS, Florence and the Machine
- THE PRETENDER, Foo Fighters
- THE GHOST OF YOU, My Chemical Romance
- BRING ME TO LIFE, Evanescence
- ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, Blondie
- NICE WORK IF YOU CAN GET IT, Fred Astaire
How do you start a new work in progress?
ThrillerFest 2015
I know I have been MIA for months, but it was for a good and very personal reason. Now that everything is resolved, I’m starting up again. Within the last few months, I have been to ThrillerFest in July and after that is when something occurred that needed my full time and attention.
ThrillerFest is Manhattan and is one of the best writer conferences I have been to. It’s also where I pitched my novel, THE WHISPERING.
After PitchFest, which was really brutal. I’m the type of person has a hard time communicating verbally about books or movies or my feelings. I stutter when I get nervous, and sitting in front of agents and pitching them my novel. After that very stressful afternoon, I did fine as it turns out. Not just that though, an agent (who I did not pitch) gave me the best advice I wish I had before I went into Pitch Session.
The Advice was: APPROACH YOUR PITCH LIKE A GOOD PIECE OF GOSSIP. MAKE IT JUICY ENOUGH THAT THE AGENT/EDITOR WILL WANT TO PASS IT ON.
I was really good at gossip from middle school to high school, so that advice would have worked better than my really crappy logline and pitch that came out of a trembling voice.
After PitchFest was the rest of ThrillerFest. It was interviews and panels of authors, including Lee Childs and Christopher Rice.
The Young Adult Panel was the most interesting to me.
Included on the panel was Kelley Armstrong, CJ Lyons, Elle Cosimano, and RL Stine.
Karin Slaughter interviewing Charlaine Harris.
It was an interesting conference, but it really wasn’t for young adult writers. That was a bit of a problem for me. I write YA and I mainly read YA, and they were talking about genres like military thrillers. Frankly, subjects I’m not interested in. ThrillerFest is good for people who aren’t interested in young adult.
Child Post 1: The Royal Wedding and Prince Harry
This post isn’t about writing, but a story that happened a couple of weeks ago.
It begins with a little girl. Normally, I won’t talk about my children. I’m a single mom to a 7 year-old boy, who is non-verbal autistic. I will call T-Boy. I have a 5 year-old girl who I will call Lady. I’m not posting pictures or their real names. Since this story has made everyone that I have told laugh, I’m going to blog about it.
My daughter, Lady, hates to go to bed. She is 5 and has autism along with ADHD, but most importantly Lady is kind, loving, and freaking hilarious. She says whatever comes to her mind. The girl has maybe 5% of brain to tongue filter.
For years, she has loved Halloween. She loved to talk about pumpkins, ghosts, witches, vampires, zombies, trick or treating, and loved to watch The Nightmare Before Christmas (Thank you Tim Burton) and her favorite book was Room on the Broom. When Lady was 3 years old, she drew pumpkins and witches on her Easter basket craft. I was like: YES! YOU’RE AWESOME, LADY!
And she LOVES to read!
Lady is high functioning and has a speech delay, but that doesn’t stop her from saying what she thinks. She does have some trouble with identifying social cues, but since starting Kindergarten, she has grown leaps and bounds. Also, Kindergarten has ushered in a new ear in our house:
Princesses!
Lady wants me to dye her hair blonde and keeps asking when she is going to develop special powers like Princess Elsa. My response is, hair dye when she becomes a teenager, if I could give her special powers, I would. But my brown-haired, with red highlight girl is fabulous, but she’s all sassy and feisty. Like Princess Anna.
She is currently growing out her hair like Rapunzel.
Then came Cinderella.
Lady fell in love with the story, but most of all, the beautiful blue dress!
She has asked when is her prince is going to come and when can get a blue dress like that! Then the glass slippers came on-screen, it she squealed. This girl has more shoes than me!! When we talk about princesses and princes and fashion (as she wants to become a fashion designer when she grows up), I’m like:
This is going to be fun! I love to talk about make up and fashion and pretty much anything that Lady likes. She is passionate about her likes. Recently, she designed her own cape so that she could be fashionable.
That’s the back story to the story. The main story goes like this:
I starts with Lady having to go to bed. Prince Harry’s face in this GIF was pretty close to Lady’s face when it’s bedtime.
She then always asks: “Could I stay up for 1,000 minutes before I go to bed?”
And me? I’m all like:
So Lady went to bed, and I grabbed my iPad to sit in her room since she has recently developed a fear of the dark. Once we are settled in, she asks if there are real Princes and Princesses in the world. I tell her there are. Lady get’s all excited.
Lady get’s excited, but then she asks for proof. I go onto YouTube and show her Prince William and Princess Kate’s wedding.
At first, Lady was bored watching guests arrive at Westminster Abbey. Until she saw this!
The conversation went something like this:
Lady: “Who are those guys?”
Me: “Those girls are princesses.”
Lady: (making a disgusted face) “They are princesses?”
Me: “Yes.”
Lady: “They look like witches.”
Me: “Witches?”
Lady: “Because they have horns on their heads!” (Like it was obvious)
This is what she was thinking about:
Me: “Those aren’t horns.”
Lady: “Yes.”
Me: “No. Those hats are called fascinators. I know, they’re ugly hats.”
Lady: (shaking her head) “They don’t look like princesses.”
Then Princess Kate arrived, and she was done with the fascinators.
Her squeal was adorable. Then the conversation went as followed:
Lady: “Oh I love that dress. I want that dress, and the veil. Oh the earrings. Could I have those earrings? Is that a crown?”
Me: “No, sweetie. That’s a tiara.”
Lady: “I though princesses wore crowns?”
Me: “That would be the queen. She’s a princess so she gets to wear a tiara.”
Lady: “When am I going to be able wear a tiara? When do I get to be a princess?”
Me: “Well. Either you’re born a princess or you marry a prince.”
Lady: “Oh.”
The wedding on, and all she could talk about with Princess Kate’s dress and how beautiful it would look on her (Lady).
Once they left Westminster Abbey (which she gushed over and how she wanted to go to church there and be married there), she stopped gushing over the dress, because of this!
Lady loves to ride horses, and she is good at it. As soon as she saw the carriage and the horses, the conversation switched to whether she’d ride a white horse or a black horse back to the palace. Lady isn’t going to be pulled in a carriage! Like this:
Media
The camera filmed the audience, and Lady can read, so when these ladies popped onto the screen,
She said: “Huh?”
Me: “The banner says: ‘Marry me, Harry.'”
Lady: “Who is Harry?”
Me: “A prince.”
Lady: “Ewww! A boy is named Harry? That is a horrible name, and princes aren’t named Harry.”
Me: “Well, that’s his name.”
Lady: “No. Prince’s are name:
William
Phillip
Eric
AND
Kristoff.
Not Harry! It’s such a horrible name. I don’t like that name. Do you like that name, Mommy?”
Me: “Yes, Lady. I like that name.”
Lady: “I don’t. It’s a horrible name.” (She knows a few big words)
Me: “I think Harry is a nickname.”
Lady: “Oh. Okay.”
She continues to watch video, then asks: “Why do they want to marry him?”
Me: “Um…Well. He’s pretty cool and nice, and I suspect it’s because he’s a prince.”
Lady: (she didn’t look convinced) “That’s it?”
Me: “I think they want to kiss him, because they love him.”
Lady: “Why don’t they just go up to him and kiss him?”
This is the girl who at 4 years old, cornered a boy in the school yard and kissed him!
Me: “Because it’s called assault.”
Lady: “What’s assaulting about kissing?”
Me: “Ummm….?”
Lady: “They want to kiss him. He (Lady meant she) should just kiss him.”
Then this comes on the screen:
Lady: “Look. They’re kissing.”
Me: “That’s because they just got married.”
Lady: “Okay, but why would she kiss Prince Harry?”
Me: “That’s Prince William.”
Lady: (nods) “Good name.”
Me: (laughing) “Okay, sweetie. It’s time for bed.”
Lady: “Do you want to kiss Prince Harry?”
Me: “Nope. I don’t think I’m his type, and besides, I don’t know him. I don’t go around kissing random guys. It’s better to know them before kissing them.”
Lady: “Like friends?”
Me: “Yes. Good night, Lady.”
After a bit of a fight, she finally went to sleep. For weeks, I was considering on whether to post it or not. In the end, I decided to post it, because it was a very funny conversation. Not only that, I want to be able to show it to her in a few years.
So that is my 5 year-old. She is sweet, funny, and really needs to learn to filter her thoughts. She is wonderful, and even now, she wears her toy tiara from Cinderella and insists on wearing princess dresses. I love her a lot, and I’m loving this princess phase right now. I hope it lasts for another year or two.
What are your favorite princesses?
Frustration in the Editing Process
Beta readers are SO important if you want to find an agent, attract editors, and appeal to audiences. When I write, the story is engrossing that I don’t necessarily see the problems that are plaguing my work in progress, but I also have the fear of showing anyone my work. I’m Miss Passive Aggressive 2015, and I’ve always have had a problem showing anyone my art work, my writing, or really anything that I have done. It’s exposure at it’s finest and for me it’s like running down the street, completely naked while screaming: “Look at me! Look at me!”
When I handed my WIP over to my beta readers, I was like:
It’s hard to be a writer. Not only do you have to sit down and put a world of people, colors, smells, emotions, places, events, murders, romances, and heartbreak. I have fallen in love with my characters or hate them, because of their actions. My main character, Mary Elliot, is angry and hurt, but she is also 17 and does fall in love while trying to stop a villain that is concealed for a good portion of the book. When she gets angry, she gets mouthy and mean, and that comes off as being insensitive and nasty.
I’m like….okay….How the hell do I fix a character flaw that is supposed to be there? As a character, she actually isn’t nasty, but is hurt and desperate. She loves and trusts too easily, which is her fatal flaw. However, the problem that I am having is that I do not put enough information, what motivates her to act and react.
But back to the topic…
One big advice that everyone gives is get a trusted group of readers aka beta readers. I went to the Backspace Writer’s Conference in November 2012 (just after Hurricane Sandy), and that is where I met a group of awesome people, who are good writers. When it came time for me to give them a peak at my WIP, I was biting my nails and pacing around my room. Having them read my novel, was like having a villain finding me, feeling exposed that someone was tearing apart every word that I had written. (I chose this GIF because of Robert Kazinksy simply because he freaking rocked as Warlow and he has been in my dreams a few times since I saw Hot Pursuit earlier this month)
To put it bluntly, I felt scared that they would hate it. They did hate it. Actually, it was more like: “I hate your character” and “This is too long” and “You’re main character is too passive” and “This isn’t how teenagers talk (though I did when I was 17)” and “It’s too short” or “It’s too long.” I think my favorite negative response was: “You’ve got good bones, but it needs help.” After having three people read it, I was left feeling defeated, anxious, and a failure. Mostly though, I was frustrated.
I was speechless, and I took it to heart (not a good reaction). My reaction was:
My WIP is unique and I built it around historical events. There are real issues that are tackled in this novel, and I’m proud of the story. So I swallowed my pride, brought out my chair, and hyper-focused on all the problems they had said. Then I gave it back to them. No one has actually finished the entire WIP (mainly because I haven’t given the ending to anyone). There were some improvements, but the same problem. They didn’t like Mary. I was like:
“Yeah, thanks guys!”
“Thanks a lot!”
Honestly, I was doubting myself as a writer. The internet didn’t help at all. I was looking up different ways on how to write in action voice, dialogue, formatting, whether to use a prologue or flashbacks, and nothing helped. Nothing I did felt right. The entire manuscript was felt wrong and just bad, and no matter what I did, it was never going to get better. Finally, I realized my confidence had been shaken, because of what I thought others wanted from me was more important than showing the story through words.
I realized that Ernest Hemingway was right.
All of us learn from each other about what works and what doesn’t work. We can learn from each other, and take the critiques, because generally they’re right (just don’t take it personally, because it’s not personal). This is what beta readers are for. They help make our WIPs the best the can possibly be so that we can succeed as authors, so so that someday, Eric freaking Northman aka Alexander Skarsgard can pick up my book and I can think of this!
I also realized they don’t write horror/thrillers but romance! WAYYYY different formulas and styles. So I asked another friend to read it (someone who edits and reads thrillers/horrors and YA). She was like, great story, but details! I need details.
I smiled. Happily, I’m now back to work, adding details of why Mary is so angry. The information that motivates the characters, that makes them interesting was missing. That was my problem, and I needed that pointed out to me. Now I’m not doubting my writing skills and I’ve stopped looking up the “how to’s” on the internet, and comparing myself to other writers. My novel is a part of me, because it came from my imagination. That’s why I had such a defensive reaction. My betas were only trying to help, and they did help me. For that, I’m really grateful for! They are my friends, and they are fabulous, awesome people!
The moral is: It’s hard to put yourself out there, but it is helpful to do so. More so, it’s harder to not take critiques personal, but use them as a learning tool. I’ve learned not to take critiques personal, and now I’ve been given the reasons why my WIP wasn’t working. It’s up to me to fix the bugs, and submit the best manuscript possible. I can, thanks to my beta readers!
Have you felt this type of defensiveness and frustration?
Let’s Talk About Sex…Scenes
I am currently writing a Young Adult dark urban thriller, horror. It was suggested that maybe I give my main character some…loving. Normally, I would never write a sex scene. Not my genre and I’d like my family to be able to read my work without me hiding away, blushing profusely.
The sex scene honestly does make sense, and would push the narrative along, and would be just as useful as a well placed murder. Hey! I write thrillers and horrors. Not romances.
But I read romances.
I’ve been thinking about sex scenes a lot, not just because of this suggestion, but also because I watch a lot of TV/movies and read a lot. Here is some proof. That’s not even the half of my book collection.
I have been thinking about sex scenes as literary devices and how they can be used. One of my favorite romance authors is Cora Carmack. Her debut, Losing It, is one of the funniest (in a good way) and most interesting romance novels that I have read. She doesn’t go overboard on sex scenes (like 50 Shades), but places them where it will push the story along.
Not only is Bliss relatable, but she is also fun to read about. This book has the best spin the bottle scene with consequences ever! Anyhow, back on topic. The scenes are graphic and over the top, and they help with the storytelling. It’s not forced or I’m not sitting questioning why the scene is in there like I have with other books and TV shows.
For me, there are two extremes with it comes to sex scenes.
1. Outlander by Diana Gabaldon:
Let me be clear, I LOVE the Outlander series. It’s pretty funny how I stumbled upon this gem of a book. It started last summer when a friend of mine mentioned Outlander, then I saw that Sam Heughan aka Prince Ashton from A Princess for Christmas….
I absolutely love, love, love cheesy Christmas movies! They are freaking awesome to watch with my sister (who is just as snarky as me) and a bowl of popcorn. We’re like:
When Hallmark or ABC Family comes out with new movies each year.
But I distress…
Outlander has a very interesting storyline and very likable characters. I love fiery Claire Randall and smoldering/dangerous/sexy-in-a-kilt Jamie Fraser. Here’s the description of the book:
The is smart, funny, dark in a lot of the time, and is unforgettable. Also, the sex scenes are tasteful, well placed, and it shows the love that develops between Jamie and Claire. Necessary, but not tacky.
The problem I have isn’t with the book, but with the TV show. I LOVE Ron Moore’s work, and I understand that sex is a part of the story. However, I feel (and this is my opinion) that certain sex scenes could have been skipped and it would have made the show better. The one scene that comes to mind from episode 10: “By the Pricking of My Thumb”.
It opens with Claire withering in ecstasy, because Jamie is giving her good oral sex. The scene was filmed with such slow perscistion that for a moment, I was like: “Is he actually giving her oral sex? Nope. I don’t want to see Sam Heughan give Catriona Balfe oral.”
Worse! Murtagh was banging on the door before she climaxed, then he came in after she was coming down. Very, very creepy. I get it. Ron Moore wants to show how deeply Jamie and Claire are in love, but honey, you’ve done that very well in the last few episodes when the sex scenes are needed to push the story along. The oral sex scene feels contrived and over the top to me. It wasn’t necessary and honestly, it wasn’t even a part of the story arc of that episode. Click here for an article about this episode from A.V. Club to get their opinion.
Here is a post that Diana Gabaldon posted on her Facebook. Here’s the link to the article & screen shots:
I think these conversations are very important. Sex is an intimate thing that can be use very well as a plot device. It can also be overdone and just plan tacky.
The other thought I had involves Christian Literature.
2. When Calls the Heart by: Janette Oke:
I stumbled upon this Hallmark show thanks to Lori Loughlin, Twitter, and Hard Candy. I’ve mentioned Hard Candy before, and I love the book and TV so I won’t dwell on it any longer. When I found When Calls the Heart, I was down with the stomach flu. A tweet from Lori Loughlin was retweeted and I happened to see it. I also saw Daniel Lissing (from Hard Candy) as a Mountie (made me smile) in a photograph on her Twitter page. My reaction was: “What’s this?”
iTunes has all of season one for sale, so I buy the first episode. Loved every minute of it, so I bought the whole season. Binged watched while I was stuck in bed. FYI: they’re now airing season 2. I love the storyline, the acting, the pacing, the writing, and it is fun to watch with my sister.
I love the blossoming romance between Jack and Elizabeth. I have to remind myself that it’s Hallmark, and we’re not going to see any sex scenes as it’s a G show and Outlander is MA. But the chemistry between Erin Krakow and Daniel Lissing is just as strong as the chemistry between Sam Heughan and Caitriona Balfe. The difference is the amount of sex and naked bodies we get to see.
Honestly, to write or to act as love interests without sex or nudity is much harder than if you just pull back the sheets and are like:
Some of the sexist scenes I have ever seen or read has been pulled off without getting graphic. For example, in The One by Kiera Cass, America Singer pulls Prince Maxon down on her by his belt buckle. Yep hot, but not over the top. Personally I like less graphic, well placed sex scenes over the explains that comes from a lot of New Adult and Romance novels. I have a very good imagination. Let me use it! Sensual scenes are a great tool in a writer’s belt, but back to Janette Oke.
Since I like the TV show a lot, I wanted to read the books. The real When Calls the Heart is so, so, SO different from the TV show. It’s really two different stories. Not gonna lie, the book was hard to get through, but for the purpose of this post (sex scenes), I’m choosing When Comes the Spring, which is the sequel. After Elizabeth (different Elizabeth from the TV show) marries her mountie (uh, huh) at the beginning, I laughed.
While Outlander (the TV show) has gone a wee bit overboard with sex scenes, this book was laughable when avoiding any mention of sex. It’s like Janette Oke twirled happily around the topic.
Elizabeth and Wynn are on their honeymoon, and on the day after their wedding. Wynn goes out to buy some supplies because they decide to hike up a mountain. Okay, couples do stuff on their honeymoon besides grooving to Marvin Gaye between the sheets.
So Elizabeth takes a bath and all she can think about is hiking up a freaking mountain. That’s when I lost it. I haven’t laughed at a book so hard since D.H. Lawrence’s Lady Chatterly’s Lover. I mean, I understand Christian literature, but a woman who has just had sex for the first time (honeymoon and the kissing prior to the scene alludes to this fact) isn’t going to be taking a freaking bath and thinking about climbing an actual mountain. She’s going to be thinking about conquering another kind of peak (if you get my drift).
So I haven’t picked it back up since putting down a few days ago. I don’t know if I will, because let’s be honest, a sex scene or at least a word or two alluding to it would have made the scene real and would have worked SO much better. I can handle the preachy stuff of Christian literature, but this scene was so ridiculous it was just odd.
My point for this post is putting a well written sex scene (like Cora Carmack has done) to make the story more solid is a good when it’s tasteful. It does bother me when the sex scenes pile on each other and becomes so gratuitous that the story become ridiculous and gross. Or the author goes out of their way to not have a sex scene it makes the story ridiculous and unrelatable.
Sex scenes are just like a murder scene; when used correctly, it can drive the story to a better place and make the characters grow when otherwise they wouldn’t. Will I put sex in this manuscript that I’m writing? I don’t think so. Honestly, I don’t think it’s necessary for the narrative or for either character that would be involved in the scene.
So tell me, what do you think? You don’t have to agree with me, but this post is wholly my opinion.
Within the Silver Linings 